


Making It

by Quakey (Quak3y)



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Crack, Innuendo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17233076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quak3y/pseuds/Quakey
Summary: “Screw, screw, screw, screw, screw, screw,” Wade is singsonging happily.





	Making It

Colossus finds the correct apartment number and pauses, trying to figure out what to do. The door is propped open with a stack of boxes, so he tentatively sticks his head inside.

“Hello? Wade? Cable?”

Clutching his housewarming gift, he steps over the threshold. There seem to be voices coming from further inside, so he heads that way. There's a main room with a kitchen and then a short hall. Off the hall are several doors, one very slightly ajar with light shining around it.

He's going to call out again when he hears Wade's voice and pauses, slightly hesitant as he realizes something might be wrong.

“Screw, screw, screw, screw, screw, screw,” Wade is singsonging happily.

There's a muffled curse and then…

“Damn it, Wade, slow down! I’ve never done this before!”

“Well, do you want to switch? I shouldn't get to have all the fun.”

“Yeah, sure.”

There's some scuffling and grunting.

“ _No, wrong hole, wrong hole!_ ”

“Shit! Sorry!”

“Pay more attention, Terminator. You need a long one for that hole.”

“Like this?”

“Ooooh yeah. See? Slides in like butter when you've got it right.”

“Okay, hold on, I'm going to put the next one in.”

There's an appreciative grunt from Wade.

“Yeah, stick it right there.”

Some more grunting.

Colossus is standing frozen in midstep in the hallway, trying to figure out if what he _thinks_ he’s hearing is _actually_ what he’s hearing.

“My knees hurt. I can't take it anymore, I gotta change position.”

There's yet more grunting.

“That’ll work. Just keep holding it. … Okay, got them in. Now push.”

There's a soft grunt from Cable.

“It won't go.”

“Just push extra hard.”

There are more grunts.

“You were right, that worked.”

“Of course it worked. Who's done this before? _Me!_ ”

“Okay, help me get it up again.”

Colossus very quietly sets down the bottle of wine on the floor and starts backing away from the door. He’s not sure if he’s horrified or turned on, or what exactly is going on in that room, but he is completely sure he doesn’t want to stick around to find out. If he wasn’t in metal defense form, a furious blush would be covering his entire face.

There's a lot of grunting and panting and some thuds. It sounds like someone's swearing softly.

“Quit sweating all over it!”

“Almost there!”

The grunts merge into a single long groan from Cable, steadily increasing, and a panting refrain of “come on, come on, come on!” from Wade.

Then there's a muted thump and Wade shouts, “Yes! …………. Was it as good for you as it was for me?”

“Fuck. I’m gonna need a shower.”

Colossus makes it to the front door, tiptoes out, and then runs.

Cable shoves open the bedroom door and emerges, fully clothed.

“Don't go yet!” Wade calls after him. “Just stop and look at it, Nate! It's so beautiful. We made that. _Together._ ”

He gestures toward a large IKEA bookcase standing serenely against the wall.

Cable snorts and heads for the kitchen, but stops in surprise when he sees the bottle of wine. He picks it up, frowning and examining the label for a note or any clue as to its origin as he continues on his way. With a shrug he sets it on a countertop and pulls open the fridge to retrieve two beers, then twists the caps off with his metal hand.

Wade meets him outside the bedroom door in t-shirt and sweatpants, and gratefully accepts a beer.

“So. We did the bookcase. Feel up to putting the bed together? Or is IKEA just too much for your old man joints?”

“Fuck you,” Cable says conversationally, taking a swig.

Wade winks shamelessly. “Help me put the bed together, and then you can.”

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who was amusing themselves trading innuendos with Vicky_Strife while putting together IKEA furniture? Yeah…...


End file.
